Delirium

This is a sample poem from my first book, "All my masks"

It was cold that morning and I shivered
Walked the familiar path to the bus stop
The rain, undecided, fell almost as snow
And frozen breath melted into the fog
In a wintery half-silence of morning
Disturbed by the murmur of distant cars
The click-clicking of high heels walking by
The sound of all my hopes and fears and sighs
The vague illusions of a sleepless mind
Racing and raving in dream-fuelled delirium
While I remain in these cloud-covered lands
Where delight lies hidden in everyday things
Like the comfort of familiar walks

(c) Edward Rhodes (2011)

Kuyper Belt Object

This is a sample poem from my first book, "All my masks"

This may well be my last word on the subject
Stolen, as it is, from an earlier theme
From an earlier time, there misapplied
Here captured and thrown in a different cycle
And focussed at last on you, fair laughing sun
So false a star to guide me by
Yet, in reality, so true
And once I was so drawn to you
By the effulgence of your beauty
Unwittingly, perhaps unwillingly
Seeming to wander a while from my proper orbit
From my proper station
But now, in the shadow of the greater spheres
Those bolder and fuller of majesty
I am no longer blinded in my gaze
Here, where it is quiet and calm and cold
Here I remain
Where I, in truth, have always been
Save in delusion
Out beyond love, beyond friendship even
Out where polite acquaintance holds its sway
Its gentle gravity to keep me from drifting
Out before my time, out into night
Where it will no longer matter what I say
I am, and always will be, too far away
For you to notice
Perhaps too far away to know
My own next move
My own next motive

(c) Edward Rhodes (2011)

Sad

This is a sample poem from my first book, "All my masks"

I'm not sad
Really, I'm not
I'm actually rather happy
In a subdued sort of way
Although that may sound quite absurd
Still, I insist that I'm not sad
In any meaning of the word
You see, I have lots and lots of friends
Really, I do
And not just on social networking sites
Where I once had a friend who was a hamster
Until he died
Which was very sad
Unlike me
But just in case you don't believe
Dispute my popularity
I don't think that I was deceived
When I was told
That there are many beautiful women
Who would walk arm in arm with me
If they so chose
And without meaning to seem rude
But underlining what I say
I think, from this, we can conclude
That I'm not sad
Really, I'm not
I'm simply happy
In a subdued sort of way

(c) Edward Rhodes (2011)

Background noise

This is a sample poem from my first book, "All my masks"

I notice that you're still here
I can see your shadow near the bedroom light
Though I have tried so long to ignore you
As you drone on and on
Yet gradually I concentrate
Focus my attention on other sounds
And make you fade
Into the background
Though I can still see you
Sometimes
Out of the corner of my eye
And I wonder why
Why do you waste your time with me?
Why squander your hours
And spend the brief flicker of your life
Imprisoned in this lonely tower?
When you could be searching for a distant star
Seeking a light to guide your path
Or a sun around which to orbit
For you will not find it here
Just a bed
And some books
And my company
Your lack of purpose troubles me
The brevity of your frail existence
Disturbs my complacency
I am afraid
And this is why I make you fade
To background noise
Till I open the window
And let you fly away

(c) Edward Rhodes (2011)

Sunday night

This is a sample poem from my first book, "All my masks"

On Sunday night, I didn't hear
A single word you said, I fear
I must confess that I was wrong
I spoke to you through that last song
As if the only person here

I mumbled to you, words unclear
And, wishing I could disappear
I hid myself among the throng
On Sunday night

I murmured folly in your ear
And talked across your thoughts with mere
Nothings, in moments that belong
To silent prayer, did not stay long
But went and drowned my thoughts in beer
On Sunday night

(c) Edward Rhodes (2011)

The penitent

This is a sample poem from my first book, "All my masks"

Turn away from the dreary shame of youth
From forgetting in fantasies dreamt to songs
From the hard indifference of a dull heart
Turn away from the sordid stroke of self-pity
From doubt and rebellion, angry, unsure
From the silent emptiness of unbelief
Turn in the memory of a wet grave
In the weeping vigil of a lonely night
In the tears and the clean sorrow of grief
Turn away in the weakness of your words
In the empty hands of a beggar's prayer
In seeking a face behind the dark walls
Turn to the day, to the new beginnnings
To joy and friendship, open, unafraid
To hope and humility and a broken heart
Turn to the true, to the real, to the now
To love, relentless in his forgiving
To the holy, the imminent and alive

(c) Edward Rhodes

Insomnia

This is a sample poem from my first book, "All my masks"

You see, I do not sleep so well at night
And, in frustration, walk about the bed
And mutter to myself, bewail my plight
And meditate on all the things I said
And all the things I did, and, what is worse
I keep recalling what I meant instead
As I, once more, yesterday's deeds rehearse
My thoughts keep me from sleep, delay my dreams
Till waking hours, where they, like a curse
Deceive me once again, or so it seems
Such introspection does not serve me well
I am not free from these nocturnal themes
Or from the memories I cannot quell
And so, as I remain in darkness, fret
And pace about the room, as in a cell
Await the dawn, some hours remaining yet
No peace I find, nothing to bring respite
Or set my mind at rest, lift this regret
I know I have not done that which is right
You see, I do not sleep so well at night

(c) Edward Rhodes (2011)

If we meet

This is a sample poem from my first book, "All my masks"

So, if we meet again, what should I say?
If I should speak to you, subdue my fear
Should I apologise and walk away
Or linger with excuses, words unclear
And mumbles of regret? Should I decline
To speak to you at all? Wear the veneer
Of sullen, proud, indifference, yet incline
My ear to hear your words, if words you speak
And do not with your silence oppose mine
Arouse in me this melancholy streak
Like that which haunts me, waking every day
Should I deny the tears upon my cheek?
Should I speak gracious words, resolve to pray?
Tell me, if now we meet, what I should say

(c) Edward Rhodes (2011)

Ghost

This is a sample poem from my first book, "All my masks"

As I walked home the other night, I knew
That he was there with me, not far behind
I could not see him, his reflection find
And yet it was no dream, nothing untrue
The years since I last heard from him are few
For he is never too far from my mind
His words bear bitter fruit, though they seem kind
Again he comes to follow me and you
For, as he followed you a little while
You saw this ghost from long departed years
Who wears a mask but looks so much like me
And when you did dismiss him with a smile
I turned and walked away to hide my fears
And run from him, this man I used to be

(c) Edward Rhodes (2011)

Undeception

This is a sample poem from my first book, "All my masks"

I have, you see, permitted all my dreams
From deep within their confines to break free
And to persuade my heart, how true it seems
That you, my friend, could give your heart to me
I wrote of you, allowing all my thought
To run in riotous fancy, and to wake
The longing of my heart, unseen, unsought
And unresisted, through all chains to break
But when I talk to you, I do perceive
The falsehood of my vision, now it clears
And I am disillusioned, undeceived
As, like a passing mist, it disappears
For in the bright, unfeeling light of day
My dreams, these idle fancies, melt away

(c) Edward Rhodes (2011)